spent the day color coding different aspects of things to stay organized while destroying, to rebuild stronger.  the job is awesome, i’ll have plenty of flex room to do some cool things, and learn.

found a car, a 1994 vw golf convertible, red with black interior, purrs like a kitten, has a radio that i can shove a usb stick in, and i’m promised gets 35 mpg.

eating a couple times a week at awesome places, gravitating more to seafood than pasta.

beginning conversational learning with a few locals.

my government boss, of french heritage, will see my wrath on the racquetball court once i recall the angles, for now, i’m toast.

the espresso is to die for –

this week i’m heading to florence for a day trip, the last preserved Renaissance city in the world.

in pressfield’s book ‘the war of art’, he talks about ‘angels’ that help us find our way, josh ritter is an angel who reassures me the path isn’t dictated by circumstance, rather chosen.

moving to italy in less than a month and i’ve thought very little about it, which is why i know its the right move, its flowing with the water, it’s rounding resistance, it’s giving the raised eyebrow to a bunch of conventional wisdom.

i’m constantly reminded / haunted by the value of time, haunted b/c being one the clock makes it difficult to become an enlightened spiritual being, reminded by the fact that times marches on, and circumstances in any major pillar of life change, but seldom do the people change with it.

i’ve heard your can get a fully tailored suit in Milan for less than 500 bucks, which probably means fashion in Milan is like BBQ in Texas, a hot and abundant commodity when the artisans drive down prices for competition. I wonder if an Italian suit or leather sofa is in the works for me, or do i stick with jeans and the floor.

the city, vicenza, has a view, so at least i’ve seen in pictures. i’m anxious to smell the air, i’m anxious to cross the border into austria and dance the hills are alive on the gently rolling hills embedded in the mountains in Salzburg, i’m anxious to head to one of the little islands around venice every other week for ‘happy hour’, i’m excited to see a big concert in Verona, I’m looking forward to ordering tickets to see U2 in Rome, I’m excited to see buds in Basel, I’m excited for a 3 day ‘rock concert’ in Paris in October, I’m excited to reunite with some of my best friends in Berlin on my first available three day weekend, I’m excited to be going to Japan in November for a wedding part of a great friend.

But most importantly, I’m excited to have purpose — i don’t want to use what brainpower I have to write iphone apps, I want to work with the developing world, here, have some pie, y’all deserve it, or better yet, let me show you how to make pie.  there are a lot of critics of the fringe elements going on in the world today, but not nearly enough artists who bring creative solutions and objectivity to the table.

coming full circle to a lot of things in life, and it feels swell – i stick with the angels that guide my path and carry the lantern forward.

i think about the things that could potentially be out of the hands of god, and the redefinition of what a ‘crisis’ is in terms of finance.

what’s out of the hands of god could be the same thing that’s out of the realm of wishes for the genie in alladin

– can’t kill anyone
– can’t make someone fall in love with someone else
– can’t raise someone from the dead

all makes sense, and when i think each of those through that’s some fringe philosophy.

on a different note, you can ask 999 economics out of 1000 if we’re screwed and they’ll tell you yes.  meanwhile we have plenty if we live within our means and execute self control to not consume what’s thrown down our throats. we need to get used to a reality where people may not be able to make house pmts, but they’ll be carrying around the new ipads and have steaks on the pit.

what happens when the answer is unacceptable?  we tend to redefine the rules to not accept austerity.  show me a politician that says we’re going to find the optimum point to raise taxes to put money in the coffers while cutting allotments and i’ll vote for him, but there isn’t one alive that will do this because of political suicide in a pain averse and entitled society.  maybe the deflation that would occur from such action would only entrench to elite with bargaining power, but for fundamentalists who think that’s the answer, there are not so easy but simple solutions.

therefore, recovery, fake or not, i’m riding it, i have my surf board tied to my leg, if big gov’t makes the advance and ‘gets rich’ I’ll be on that side, if the banks and oligarchs can ever be trusted again, I’ll sway to that side.

Viktor Frankl once said when you can’t change your circumstances, you’re challenged to change yourself.  I think when you can change yourself and your circumstances, love it and embrace it, you will be presented the keys to the kingdom.

6 weeks and 6 days till I land back to a friendly shore, to family and friends who I look forward to be reacquainted with, share stories and genuine laughs, and talk about hopes and dreams.

I’ve had a few good buddies out here who have helped me understand the true competitive advantage I have in the world is openness.  I leave this place open, physically, mentally, spiritually and stronger in this seemingly easy yet tough conviction.

One day a book may come of this endeavour, for the sake of the perspectives not heard, and for reality, not ideology sake.  I’ve been lucky to hear some truly inspiring stories of the contrarian ‘war freakonomics’ sort, things that are hard to spin, hard to put in a compartment, but I know what I’ll be doing on Friday nights for a long time.

for now, i’m trying to wind down — trying not to think about the shift of dynamics coming to life in 3-4 month, but rather the hammock in Shiner, no books, no computers, no communication, no connection…just the company of loved ones and meditation.

Just walk with an authoritative walk and do you job, I guess that’s the way to roll –

Teamwork is big out here, which is AWESOME — Pile A needs to get into building, everyone assembles to help, not a ‘thats not my job,’ etc. Heaven forbid we take our OWN TRASH out, we clean our own area, etc.

Yesterday I started a pflight to get in not just good, not just great, but the pinnacle of my physical fitness. This means 2.5 miles a night, and 3 miles in the morning.

I also read somewhere about, you guess it, food is addicting. Chemicals can make food taste like anything these days…if you want a ‘seared’ (sp?) flavor, just add a few drops of this, that or the other. Luckily there is a healthy menu out here, and I’ve been exercising EXTREME self control. My only indulgences, ice cream on Friday night, and two near beers on Saturday, while sitting at my desk at work.

Logistics of the job, getting from point a to b, and also just logistics of living, Things are very organized, everything is, I guess they have to be. The mind is a wash, how did I get here, I belong but I don’t belong feelings, but I know great things are going to become of this, I’ll definitely be able to mark some things off my list.

It’s safe to say that ‘things’ move 3-4 times quicker here than back home, strip the frivolous politics from you day to day work environment and you get what you have here, you need it, you got it. No pet rocks in the building, a great caliber of people all around.

What have I been doing to stave off insanity and attempt to create rhythm? Trying very hard to create a routine. Never thought I’d be happy to say ‘I’m glad its Monday, but I am, for its when America lights up, around 4pm here, the people, the markets, the list serves.

I’ve found a nice walkabout around a lake, inside its about 60 degrees with the computers, outside its 100 plus. I do plan on making 5pm or so ‘calling time’ to family back home, and 5am calling time for friends back home. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, tea run at the barista 9pm, PX run to look at the same ol’ crusty stuff in the afternoon, ‘Blackhawk Mall’ on Saturday.

There are other options I’m looking at too, all in all, I would say enough to keep busy for the tour here.

Speaking of tours, also plenty time to start planning my world tour 2010. Starting in Iceland, so far the cities are..

• I haven’t seen bigotry here, people, political, religious, etc — the caricature I saw of the war fighter or those that support it has always taken a ‘conservative’ stance, I see the question framed differently here. The ant nest has been kicked, now you have the ants rebuilding the mound, In a way, I boil down the critical success factor in this endeavor as ‘do the people of iraq want it enough,’ then I think, that’s not a fair way to frame the question, which brings, ‘can these people handle what we are trying to give them,’ that’s the question. 21st century advanced citizenship with secularism is much more different than a 12th century theocracy. I see the disparity big time here
• Rollin’ to the loo at night 100 yards after sleeping isn’t fun at all, you can’t go to sleep afterward, and I refuse to resort the ‘the bottle’ in the room…..at least as my mind stands now.
• Here its Spain hot and sunny, but add dust and dirt on top
• I’m finding much of my ‘desert attire’ that I brought with me isn’t working very well. blisters on my feet, sunburn on the tops of my ears, taking less showers than ‘i should’, and fighting overdrinking / underdrinking water, all part of the equation — i have to adjust, and change the way i percieve this life in general. for the next year i have to figure out how to ‘become one’ with my surroundings
• the chow halls here are like pinocco island of food, first day i had veal, then prime rib, the sausage gumbo, all grade A stuff, probably the caliber of what you’d get at a 5 star hotel back home.
• I know I’m going to come back to the states and see inefficiency and stuff taken for granted everywhere, from water in the showers and bathrooms, proximity and availability of stores, laundry, etc, etc — its very efficient here, perhaps because of the abundance of money thrown at the problem
• the enlisted folks as well as the contractors are some of the best people i’ve seen at the table for a meeting — same tired debates, but lots of creativity and though thrown into the equation, not a lot of ‘brainstorming’ goes on here, just pragmatism and decision making, and quick turnarounds.
• last night, two senior enlisted guys were outside the palace, playing covers of songs like pearl jam and weezer, this debunks the notion that all people here are kid rock toby keith loving war mongering rednecks
• fundamentalism and sensational here are shokingly absent (except for the morter lobbers outside the camps). when bad news hits about a soldier taking the lives of 4 buddies then himself, the news back home has it on for days, taking a deep dive, here’s there is empathy for the victims, and for each other, and mental support, at times its not plesant, but everyone’s in it together here, and I’m finding that to be a strong bond
• eating, sleeping, working, exercising with the same crew all the time, something good has to become of it, never had to do it, i’ll be blogging about it as it goes on —
• the crowd here is transient. just so happens the group i sat with at the dinner table last night, two captains, two contractors, will all be gone in 3 months, and new faces will be there. i’ll have seniority on systems that i barely even know how to spell yet.
• on a ‘down day’ i’ll walk at least 3 miles, some days i’ve been walking 5+, the body doesn’t really per se sweat, but i can tell its taking a toll. trying desperatly to find sunglasses that look right on a fat head, so i don’t come back to the states all squinty.
• lots of thoughts floating around, the uncertainty is sorta gone, but the funamentals of a routine haven’t sank in yet, i’m told when it gets much hotter we can work through the night and sleep durning the day.

3.33 am, still can’t adjust to the sleep patterns, I’m going to crash and burn this afternoon –

Special shout out to Praveen, the barista at Green Beans coffee hear, thanks for the twice a day quad shot Americano

With a belly somewhat unsettled and an open mind, I can see a decoupling of societal constructs, it’ll only do me well.

The mind always imagines things worse than it actually is, here’s the worst of my imagination shining through

1. Having a sloppy / snoring roommate
2. Eating bugs for dinner
3. getting shot at or riding helicopters
4. not ‘fitting in’
5. getting hooked to the plow and working your butt off relentlessly
6. living ‘groundhog day’ over and over
7. 750 yards of roaming space

What DO you do when you have to live groundhog day…, the non Hollywood and glamorous version. Well, you can electrocute yourself, jump in front of a train, or retreat to the room in silence.

OR, you can take the experience life has given you and choose to enjoy that experience. You can build / morph true feelings, true experience, bonding and reverence. You can make it a time to leave the distractions behind and see what really lies in the core.

I’ll be blogging more, I’ll have more time to think, I want to catch a rhythm, I want to make it good.

The more you look, the more you realize the facts are so far removed from our ‘civilized’ and advanced societies that everything is abstact, everything is personality and emotion based, and things seldom appear to be as they seem.

I think of ‘the core’ of your soul as the ball, and society has washed layers apon layers of ‘crap’ on you, new adventures, perspective, SELF-enrichment and a sky full of stars in a open desert will wash away these layers, leaving the core visible, malleable, discoverable, approachable.

The journey of self discovery starts with a step, for years to come, drunken steps, back and forth, 5 – 10 years from now I’ll have the walk of life down to a T, with a balance of perspective.

State of mind is an open book and a blank page.

Fast forward a short time and you have a society faced with a new psychology. A quote that recently rang true, “Society works precisely because conversation is ephemeral.”

Today is a life of curiosity, we learn simply because it’s there, we use and abuse accordingly. The life and times today allow you opportunity, and with this opportunity comes tearing down emotional walls only to build others higher, what emerges are emotionally stern individuals on one side, and drones on the other.

We have institutions that work to tear down walls, and we have institutions that practice mind control, the yin and the yang all work together.

What is the blow back of a hyper connected age? Does it take the thrill out of the situation, and constantly feed an empty yearn to be someone or somewhere else?

I have ideas. Through the summer I’m going to take a deep dive into the Greek culture, an integrated society that yielded a phenomenal amount of intellect, brawn, and standard of living.

Time will tell if a blackberry in hand 16 hours a day will make a man healthy, wealthy and wise. In the meantime I’m going back to meditation.

————–
“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of meditation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back.”
- The Buddha